Maya Angelou – “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”
In this world of social media and such like, I find that people love to moan and complain about their lives so much more. It seems that in today’s society there is an acceptable open arena for complaining and moaning, that we just can’t seem to avoid!
The thing is it’s not just social media, it’s the newspapers, TV programs (especially soap operas), weather reports and just about everything around that bombards us with pretty depressing and quite frankly toxic news or information. It’s no wonder 1 person every 40 seconds dies by their own hands according to The Samaritans
Obviously the blame here doesn’t just lie with anyone in particular but I do believe that if we all stopped for a second before we update our status with something negative, aggressive or downright unnecessary, that perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad place for us to all live.
Don’t get me wrong I used to love a good moan, especially back in the day, when I had a hugely stressful job, living in a city that oozed stress and conformation. I threw constant pity parties, moaning about my job, the people I worked with, the money I wasn’t earning (even though I was already earning a bucket load) and so on.
So how did I become a moaner?
Simple really, I just wasn’t happy and I didn’t have a clue why I wasn’t or even what to do about it.
It is funny how moaning can become a habit when you lose sight of who you are and forget how lucky you already have it. For me moaning was a part of life, mainly because everyone else was doing it and it felt good to share in those same feelings.
Also I found it took the stress off me! It meant I could blame others constantly for what was wrong with my life and because of that I took absolutely no responsibility for my life whatsoever.
Great eh? Well no not really, because I began to spiral out of control. I’d turn to people who were absolutely no good for me, who became so toxic that in the end I’d be staying out late at night drinking to the early hours of the morning and doing all manner of stupid things just to try to grab some joy back into my life.
It saddens me to remember those times, but it also helps me to recognise the patterns in myself again or in others around me. I look back on that time as a time of learning and eventually I had the courage to take back my life. In the end I decided that complaining about everything just wasn’t getting me anywhere!
So what did I do?
- Firstly I quit my job, you might say that it was extreme but it wasn’t at the time. I had to make a decision about my future and I realised that the job didn’t inspire me one bit. I also realised that the people who ran the company and even the staff were simple very toxic. You see it was a Sales company, which lives and breathes selfishness, greed and deceit – which is so not me at all! So I quit.
- Secondly I moved away from London and more importantly from toxic friends in my life. I had a couple of friends who I’ve known since school, who unbeknown to be for years were simply sucking the life out of me. I am not blaming here, I just realised that they were not healthy for me to be around anymore so I upped and moved back to my home town along the south coast. Back to my family and my roots – I think this was one of the best things I ever did.
- Thirdly I tried something different, I started my own business, which consequently didn’t work out, however I knew I wanted to work for myself so I guess this grew the seed in my brain to get me to here I am now! I also got back in touch with my family and slowly realised that there was more to life than money, status and partying every night!
- And lastly I stopped watching TV, reading newspapers, mixing with toxic people and simply stopped moaning about my life. I took responsibility for my life and realised that if things were to change, I had to change first. Outside circumstances are not me; they are merely a reflection of what I had become.
So what can you do?
- Smile! We simply don’t smile enough in my opinion!
- Work out what you are moaning about, write it down and keep a journal just so you can see patterns in your moaning – you’ll be surprised (or you may not be) at what you need to re-think or look at to help make that change
- Look at those around you. Who is always complaining? Are you surrounded by moaners at work, in your family or friends? Try to distance yourself from them if you can – especially if they are on Facebook – hit the delete!
- Don’t turn on the TV, radio or buy the newspaper first thing in the morning – it’ll only have bad news to fill your head with!
- Go for a run or do some exercise first thing in the morning, change a habit of getting up, getting ready for work and going into ‘moan mode’ because you hate your job, your partner or your life!
- CHANGE SOMETHING! Anything! Just do something that makes you think outside of your normal world – you will be surprised by the impact of changing something.
Well those are my suggestions and I really hope you decide that moaning isn’t working out for you. Seriously, it just makes you look at the world in such a negative way and you’ll only feel worse for doing it. Believe me.
I took drastic action, but that’s me. But if you are not ready for that yet I’d definitely recommend trying something – even if it’s just deleting some friends from your life who drag you down. You’ll see such a huge improvement!
If you want any help or encouragement then you know where I am just call!
Much love, Paula