What have you got to moan about?

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Maya Angelou – If you don’t like somethingchange it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”

In this world of social media and such like, I find that people love to moan and complain about their lives so much more. It seems that in today’s society there is an acceptable open arena for complaining and moaning,  that we just can’t seem to avoid!

The thing is it’s not just social media, it’s the newspapers, TV programs (especially soap operas), weather reports and just about everything around that bombards us with pretty depressing and quite frankly toxic news or information. It’s no wonder 1 person every 40 seconds dies by their own hands according to The Samaritans 

Obviously the blame here doesn’t just lie with anyone in particular but I do believe that if we all stopped for a second before we update our status with something negative, aggressive or downright unnecessary, that perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad place for us to all live.

Don’t get me wrong I used to love a good moan, especially back in the day, when I had a hugely stressful job, living in a city that oozed stress and conformation.  I threw constant pity parties, moaning about my job, the people I worked with, the money I wasn’t earning (even though I was already earning a bucket load) and so on.

So how did I become a moaner?

Simple really, I just wasn’t happy and I didn’t have a clue why I wasn’t or even what to do about it.

It is funny how moaning can become a habit when you lose sight of who you are and forget how lucky you already have it.  For me moaning was a part of life, mainly because everyone else was doing it and it felt good to share in those same feelings.

Also I found it took the stress off me!  It meant I could blame others constantly for what was wrong with my life and because of that I took absolutely no responsibility for my life whatsoever.

Great eh? Well no not really, because I began to spiral out of control.  I’d turn to people who were absolutely no good for me, who became so toxic that in the end I’d be staying out late at night drinking to the early hours of the morning and doing all manner of stupid things just to try to grab some joy back into my life.

It saddens me to remember those times, but it also helps me to recognise the patterns in myself again or in others around me.  I look back on that time as a time of learning and eventually I had the courage to take back my life.  In the end I decided that complaining about everything just wasn’t getting me anywhere!

So what did I do?

  • Firstly I quit my job, you might say that it was extreme but it wasn’t at the time. I had to make a decision about my future and I realised that the job didn’t inspire me one bit.  I also realised that the people who ran the company and even the staff were simple very toxic. You see it was a Sales company, which lives and breathes selfishness, greed and deceit – which is so not me at all! So I quit.
  • Secondly I moved away from London and more importantly from toxic friends in my life. I had a couple of friends who I’ve known since school, who unbeknown to be for years were simply sucking the life out of me.  I am not blaming here, I just realised that they were not healthy for me to be around anymore so I upped and moved back to my home town along the south coast. Back to my family and my roots – I think this was one of the best things I ever did.
  • Thirdly I tried something different, I started my own business, which consequently didn’t work out, however I knew I wanted to work for myself so I guess this grew the seed in my brain to get me to here I am now!  I also got back in touch with my family and slowly realised that there was more to life than money, status and partying every night!
  • And lastly I stopped watching TV, reading newspapers, mixing with toxic people and simply stopped moaning about my life.  I took responsibility for my life and realised that if things were to change, I had to change first.  Outside circumstances are not me; they are merely a reflection of what I had become.

So what can you do?

  • Smile! We simply don’t smile enough in my opinion! 
  • Work out what you are moaning about, write it down and keep a journal just so you can see patterns in your moaning – you’ll be surprised (or you may not be) at what you need to re-think or look at to help make that change
  • Look at those around you. Who is always complaining? Are you surrounded by moaners at work, in your family or friends?  Try to distance yourself from them if you can – especially if they are on Facebook – hit the delete!
  • Don’t turn on the TV, radio or buy the newspaper first thing in the morning – it’ll only have bad news to fill your head with!
  • Go for a run or do some exercise first thing in the morning, change a habit of getting up, getting ready for work and going into ‘moan mode’ because you hate your job, your partner or your life!
  • CHANGE SOMETHING! Anything!  Just do something that makes you think outside of your normal world – you will be surprised by the impact of changing something.

Well those are my suggestions and I really hope you decide that moaning isn’t working out for you. Seriously, it just makes you look at the world in such a negative way and you’ll only feel worse for doing it. Believe me.

I took drastic action, but that’s me. But if you are not ready for that yet I’d definitely recommend  trying something  – even if it’s just deleting some friends from your life who drag you down.  You’ll see such a huge improvement!

If you want any help or encouragement then you know where I am just call!

Much love, Paula

Pain pain go away come back another day?

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I’ve recently been reading a few exerts from a great website by DanielleLaPorte.com and especially loved a post about learning to open up more.

Danielle says ‘Openness is a three step process: 1. Open. 2. Stay open. 3. Open some more’

Sounds easy right?

Wrong (well for me anyway),  being open is about a lot more than opening your mouth and letting whatever you say or feel come flying out.

What is Openness?

‘Doing openness’ is letting your heart open up even if it feels like it’s being ripped open and then still going back for more, not running as far away as humanly possible just to escape the pain.  And if you’re anything like me you’d do just about everything, like cutting off your right arm, than actually open up about anything important especially if it’s personal.

For me personally I think the lack of openness in my family caused a blockage for me in later life.  I struggled with saying what I thought just in case I wasn’t liked or rejected for it.  I have since then been tested time and time again either through the people I meet or the situations I encounter, which has been hard and still is if I am honest.

I do believe however, the more I am open and continue to be the more I believe I’ll be come a natural at it. I hope!

So how do we become more open?

The stages are below:

  • You’ll have feelings of doubt and fear.  However, its right here and right now that you choose to go ahead and be open anyway. This is where you look your fears and uncertainty in the face and confront them head on.
  • At the same time you’ll feel the fear in your body as well as in your mind.  Feelings of anxiety and perhaps tightness of chest you’ll be experiencing.  Know that these are happening because as you are steering your fearful thoughts into openness they’ll need a way of escaping.
  • You’ll declare that you are afraid.  You know what you really want is on the other side of this fear and if being open gets you through that door – you’ll have to do it.
  • Next you’ll ask for strength to go through with it. Here is where you’ll ask for courage so that you’ll be able to do it time and time again.

You’ve done it, now is the time to believe, have faith and let go.

The thing is with being open, it becomes a risk and risk leads you to uncertainty and you’ll ask ‘will I be rejected if I open up right now?

This is where you do it anyway, your only chance of growing is to open up and experience and then open up some more.  The next time it will be easier and you’ll get stronger each and every time.

I’m up for trying it.  How about you?

The Art of Believing and Letting Go

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Ask, Believe, Let Go, Receive’- Mastin Kipp, The Daily Love

Believing and letting go are both struggles for me, I try but I have this little me on my right shoulder saying ‘do it, say it now!’ and then I have the other little me saying ‘no wait, not yet, you’ll only get burnt’.

I regularly have these battles going on in my head and normally at the end of it I am still unsure of what I should be doing.

But herein lies the problem, I get so caught up with what I should be doing that I forget to actually be myself and go with the flow.

Being the Co-Creator

According to Mastin Kipp, Founder of The Daily Love, he believes that we are the co-creators of our lives so we only have to worry 49% on how our life turns out, whereas the other 51% is up to the Universe.

Whether you believe in God, the Universe or any other ‘being’ in this world (or not at all) Mastin believes that you only need to put in some of the work, whilst the rest will come along when it’s needed.

So we can all breathe a sigh of relief?

Sadly its’ not that easy, well not for some of us.  However, I’ve come up with a plan to try to make life a little bit easier using Mastin’s brilliant advice.

Using these few steps:

Let yourself off the hook

This can be difficult if you are always, like me, trying to control everything.  Here is where I normally meditate, but if you aren’t into that it’s always a good idea to take some time out.  Like a walk in nature somewhere, along the beach, in the countryside or just sitting on the lawn for a few minutes.

This is the time to re-energize, focus on what is important to you and remembering that you only have a limited amount of energy in the day to do things.  It’s time here to let yourself off the hook and just be, if you know how to do it that is (which is why I meditate as it gets you back to you).

Leave room for connection

This is so important because it ultimately comes down to connecting with those who are important to you. Those who make you feel good for just being you and those who accept you just as you are.

Take time out to connect, talk about your life, the future and what’s going on around you.

Connection is so important, especially in person, because in this day and age with texting and social media we seem to forget how to communicate and really discuss from our hearts.  Personally I love this kind of interaction, whether it is with friends, loved one’s or strangers I’ve only just met.  These connections inspire me to write and can often provide me with passion and purpose in life so I’d definitely recommend it.

Letting go

When you know that half of the work isn’t up to you, you can afford to let go a little.  It provides you with the area of work you need to focus on, but doesn’t work you to the bone so you have little else for play, love or connection.

Let go a little, let the universe give you what you need (not always what you want) and accept that is what is meant to be.

As long as you Ask, Believe, Act, Let Go and Believe – Yep in that order!

Would love to know how this is going for you so do comment at let me know.

As always, have a great day and remember you are perfect just the way you are.

Lots of Love

Me x