‘Nothings gonna hurt you, like the words do when they settle underneath your skin’
‘Don’t run, stop holding your tongue’
A couple of lines from Brave by Sara Bareilles
I heard this song today. I wouldn’t normally get to listen to pop song’s these days, I’m more of your Radio 2 listener than your Radio 1, but I liked this one.
The words rang true for me for many reasons, but probably more so with regard to love and relationships. I have always been a really good ‘risk taker’ I’ll try things that challenge me, the riskier the better. But when it comes to other things, I’ve not been so brave especially where matters of the heart are concerned.
Healing a broken heart
For me and I suspect for so many other people, the broken heart is the hardest thing to bear when it has been hurt. And for most of us putting your heart on the line is the biggest risk you can ever take, and it’s never taken lightly.
We’ll avoid this at all costs and sometimes at the cost of losing someone we care about because we think they might hurt us or cause us pain down the line.
How sad this that?
It’s that ‘just in case’ scenario that gets to me the most. It’s fear, plain and simple.
Fear of the unknown and the uncertainty that rejection could be on the cards if you get too close. This kind of fear can make you do stupid things, like not call, doubt yourself and reject them before they reject you.
I’ve done that in my time. I’d be so frozen with fear that perhaps the person I was dating wasn’t as keen as I thought so I’d tell them that I was busy over the next few weeks and give him a call then, and then don’t bother. Just to see their reaction. And when their reaction came back just as fearful as mine – I’d not be surprised because ‘I knew they’d let me down eventually’.
It’s just a vicious circle and it’s all based on fear.
Back to the song…
Have courage to be brave
Being brave is a good start when you are seeing someone new, because if you don’t say what you want or be who you are, then when will you? Six, seven months down the line and that’s if you even get that far into the relationship.
The biggest thing to remember is the other person is probably just as sh*t scared as you are. They have probably had their heart-broken too. I can promise you that they fear rejection. If you can understand that you’ll go a long way in understanding why we each react the way we do, in relationships, we are all just a little bit afraid. Not all, granted, but most of us.
No truer word said, the fact that you will be more hurt by your fear of not speaking your mind and losing that someone or something, than actually coming out and saying what you want.
So how do you know what to say?
And if you want to test it, I’d say put yourself in their shoes, would you like to hear what you have got to say? How would you feel if that person you liked said how they felt? Would it make it easier for you to say how you felt?
And if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. I know it’s a cliché but it’s true!
Seriously guys, be yourself, warts and all. Say what you want, when you want and never ever be afraid to do it time and time again. I promise you they WANT to hear it even if it’s bad, just say it.
So what do you want to say today?
Be brave and say it TODAY.