I have been a serial dater in the past.
Not promiscuous, although I’ve had my moments, but dating men when I’ve a) either not been ready or b) dated men that haven’t been ready for me, both NEVER a good thing.
My ‘problem’ I believe is that each time I have dated a man I’ve always thought ‘could this be the one?’; never once just enjoying the experience to the fullest and taking it as just a date!
I’ve had this need for many years, to have a man in my life, to feel loved, wanted and adored. And you could say it’s because of my lack of parentage from my father, or my mother setting the example of which I have followed true to form.
I have always without doubt forgotten myself whenever I have met a new man, I’ve lived totally for them and I can honestly say this has happened each and every time, no matter how much I have tried to resist.
And guess what? Each of those relationships went down the pan! Surprise surprise!
I am glad of those lessons however painful they were, because I am now at the time of my life where I am finally working on me, my desires and needs. I am now at this point where what I want matters and if something doesn’t ring true for me, I will sit back and really look at the situation and try to work out what it is teaching me.
For example I recently met a guy, we got on really well, we’ve dated a few times and then suddenly he quietened down, less contact and even didn’t call me when he said he would. Shame on him!
The old me would have been so upset, would have started to fret ‘does he like me’ or ‘what did I do wrong’. This time I may have done a little of that, but I’ve fine-tuned myself to look at the situation and go back to me and what I am lacking.
You see, I needed to fill myself up, go back to me and remember who I am right here, right now. So I meditate. I sit alone (well as alone as you can be with a puppy around) and tune into me, the real me, deep within. And I have to say it feels wonderful. I love the way it makes me feel so peaceful and ready for my day.
Whilst filling myself up I go back to what makes me happy and focus on my life and passions. PaulasWork is my passion and nothing in the world will ever stop me progressing with that little baby!
You see this experience is another lesson the Universe has sent my way. The lesson is to love myself first.
I, like you, am still learning and growing which is why I share these stories with you. I hope that you too can understand that unless you can fill yourself up first, no one or nothing can ever make you happy – not really, not to your core.
I love myself and continue to do so.