I used to be the worlds worst, judge, juror and jailer, that was me. Awful isn’t it?
Why do we judge so much?
I recently read a status on Facebook about the way a man was talking to his little girl in a restaurant and apparently he was ‘mentally’ abusing her and would not let up. Finally another guy in the restaurant stood up and told the man ‘enough was enough’ and they went to go outside – all ended OK in the end as they went their separate ways.
The person telling this tale was outraged by the behaviour of the father of the girl saying that it was awful, which it probably was, and that she should have reported him or gone over and taken the child from him whilst hitting him!
Please don’t get me wrong here, I don’t think the behaviour of the man was acceptable and I am sure the little girl didn’t deserve this treatment. But I was astounded by how many people commented on this status to give their two pence worth about this man and not giving one thought to why he was like it or looked at it from his perspective.
The judgement we inflict on other’s is astronomical, if someone acts, looks or behaves differently to us then we automatically assume that he/she is wrong or that there is something wrong with them. There is a lack of tolerance to each other and instead of thinking ‘why is this man like this’ or ‘I wonder how this man got to be this way’ we fly in with ‘this man is disgusting’ or ‘this man should never have kids’.
This saddens me. I am not a mother, yet, but I know from seeing parents and how frustrating it can be sometimes that it can be one of the hardest jobs you can ever do and that’s when you actually choose to be a parent. Sadly in this day and age a lot of parents (especially fathers) don’t always consciously choose to be a dad. Some men are ‘trapped’ into be a dad whether they like it or not and then they have to deal with the consequences after.
Of course the man should have used protection, that goes without saying, but when that doesn’t happen you are left with a child wanted or unwanted and the parents have to do their best, which isn’t always the ‘best’ that you or I would believe it is.
I’ve been a ‘step parent’ before and the father (my boyfriend) was ‘trapped’ twice (silly man). He was from a very bad background as a child and although was doing everything he could to be better than his past, he still struggled enormously as a father. His own pressure on being ‘better than his parents’ put pressure on his own parenting in the end made him ‘in societies eyes’ less than perfect.
You see no one saw his struggles, no one understood how he had been parented (or not parented) and no one took the time to help him be a better parent, I tried.
What I am trying to get at here is that many parents are parents because of circumstance, if you watch the Jeremy Kyle’s in the world you’ll know exactly what I mean. It’s parents like these that need our help not judgement. They need our support, guidance and understanding. It’s not easy being a parent, not one little bit, and some days I am sure a parent will think ‘I can’t take this anymore’ or ‘help’ especially those from broken homes, broken marriages and single parents.
These parent’s struggle enough with their own worries about being a ‘good’ parent so any outside judgement just fuels their belief and then the vicious circle continues.
I ask who are we to judge someone else’s parenting? Oh of course there is a time to step in and say ‘enough is enough’ like the man in this status and I am sure it was pretty unbearable. But for those who were not there or even looking in from the sidelines, take a second and ask yourself what was this mans own family life like when he was a child? How was this man parented? Why was this man being so harsh and finally what is going on with this mans world to make him act like this?
If you can look upon it with those eyes and see past the behaviour perhaps we can help each other out a little. Because as far as I can see being a parent is damn hard.
Perhaps parenting classes should be a must before becoming a parent?
So love a little eh?