I cringe when I say this but I used to spend money like it was water. I’d get to a week prior to pay-day and have nothing. Or when I had money I’d spend it like it was nothing to me and normally on useless stuff that wasn’t needed.
Today I have money, well I have a job. And for that reason I am grateful for my wages each month. However, I do not spend it like it’s going out of fashion. For the simple reason, this money I earn is going towards my dream.
Now I’m not about to tell you how much I earn, I do detest talking about specifics, but what I will say is that there is very little each month from my out-goings to my in-goings. Because of this I have to be very careful, not because I am scared of losing my money or anything along those lines, but careful in the sense I want to put it to good use and where it matters.
What matters to me right now is getting enough money behind me to get me to France in August and next March. With that in mind I have to cut out a lot of things which I would shamelessly spend copious amounts of money on in my past. This includes clothes, alcohol, Sky TV, stuff for my home and luxuries such as takeaways.
Sadly because of this my social life has become particularly non-existent. I say this not to make you feel sorry for me, it is a fact. It has gotten to the point that I don’t get invited to social events as much as I used to, or if I do I have to say no. You see it is not just the fact of spending money on alcohol, food or even petrol for the night out, although its a big part, it is more to do with my time and that I don’t want to be the sober one at a party.
I simply cannot justify spending money, I just do not have it. I also don’t miss the feelings of anxiety or down right depression after a night out on the booze, it just does me no good. So I say no. You see I need my weekends,evenings and weekends to write, to plan and to keep working towards my dreams.
It is not to say that i don’t like a good night out and I do thoroughly miss my girlie nights out on the town and dancing the night away – I actually really do. However, I have to draw a line somewhere, for if I really want things to happen for me I have to do what other’s aren’t prepared to do.
If I were to say right now that money is pretty tight, well it would be an understatement. My outgoings are so high I am left with approximately £50 a month to myself. That goes straight into my savings and the rest shall we say is history.
I am sure some of my friends think I have somehow disowned them, but really it isn’t that at all – and when I say ‘I have no money’ I am sure they don’t believe me. But what more can I say? It’s the truth, I don’t and for the first time in years I feel more free than I have ever felt as I am not choosing money to make me feel happy.
Happiness is growing inside of me already and during this time on my own, night after night, day after day – not including my dog Tommy of course – I understand that money is no longer the forefront of my world. Oh don’t get me wrong it can help and I would like a life where I can live each month with no money worries, but it is not my whole world any more. My world is finding my purpose (I am still on that journey) and doing what I am meant to do and if that includes money then brilliant!
To some degree I actually quite like the challenge of seeing if I can survive on £50 a month and so far I’m doing alright. I am selling my furniture bit by bit which is helping me with my ‘France Fund’ and that too is a liberating experience. I acknowledge that it all means nothing, possessions and ‘things’ are just what they are. They do not make you as a person in fact I think they hinder you.
So what you have the latest TV or a brand new sofa, I am not knocking it at all, I just chose to believe that all that is nonsense. All the things you have keep you locked up. Keep you a prisoner of your job and your situations, because if you want more things the more you have to put into your bank account each month.
I rent my home, I do not own it. But I know that if I lost my job tomorrow I could pack up and leave with no gut wrenching feeling that I’d lost everything. I feel I am lucky that I don’t I have to work each month doing a job I hate to pay for my mortgage. Which is why I am downsizing and just taking a room with my sister until I go to France. More money for my ‘France Fund’ you see.
Each to their own I say, that’s what makes this world so magnificent. However, give me a future with less ‘things’ and more ‘living’, a book, a nice walk, a good movie and a life where I feel free. I’ll take that any day of the week.